Saturday, November 15, 2008


bismillahi walhamdulillah...

i found this article in this blog.i think this article is good for those who are searching and finding her or his mr. and mrs. right.may Allah helps them with this lets share and may all of got the benefits from this..special thanks to the author of this article..

Assalamu'alaykum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuh;menwomen

I have subscribed to the Marriage Revolution newsletter quite for a while now. (Note: That doesn't mean I am looking for marriage soon though.) One of the topics discussed in the recent newsletter was about "Who is Mr. or Mrs. Right?" What are the criteria? What should I not look for?

Well, since many of us who are in the youth age, with many obstacles, hurdles and so confused of defining free mixing and finding a true love thru Halal way, I think this topic will be very interesting to think about. This is NOT from my opinion though. It's from Shaykh Yaser Birjas who I believe many of us know. So this is what he said.

Ladies should make a decision, "If a proposal comes to me, I'm going to take it seriously. So, they have made the decision that I am going to consider marriage right now. Even if I'm not necessarily ready for it, I'm going to consider it seriously. Not that I'm going to say "no" immediately. No. I will consider it."

So, who is Mr. Right or Mrs. Right anyway? Is there even such a thing as Mr. Right and Mrs. Right?

To answer this, we have to consider a dichotomy over here; How do you do your selection? The dichotomy over here is between the best selection and the right selection. So, it's between choosing the best person versus the right person.

Many people have in their minds an image of the best person - the best selection. This is usually an imaginary image that does not exist in reality or if it does, then it is so scarce that the chances of finding that best person are very slim, taking into consideration the environment, culture, location, place of origin, how many people are in the community and so on. So this is something that is very difficult to get.

However, the right person might be around the corner - maybe your closest neighbor, maybe your cousin, maybe someone related to you or unrelated to you. The whole point here is that the right person is the best person and not necessarily the other way around.

We understand this from Hadith Jabir radhiyallaahu 'anhu, where he said:

"My father died and left behind seven or nine daughters, and I married a woman. The Prophet said: 'Did you get married, O Jabir?' I replied, 'Yes.' He asked, 'Is she a virgin or a matron?' I replied, 'She is a matron.' He said, 'Why didn’t you marry a virgin girl so that you might play with her and she with you (or, you might make her laugh and she would make you laugh)?' I said, 'My father died, leaving seven or nine girls (orphans) and I did not like to bring a young girl like them, so I married a woman who can look after them.' He said, 'May Allah bestow His Blessing on you.'"

[Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 8, Book 75, #396]

The Prophet was asking this question because Jabir radhiyallaahu 'anhu was a young man and he expected that he would marry someone of his age. Jabir took a pragmatic approach to marriage.

But at the same time he made a commitment. Even though she was older than him and she was not maiden, when he was coming back home, he was getting so excited to meet his wife. Meaning he definitely had some passion for her. He chose the right person and this is the pragmatic approach and Allah will always put barakah, bi idhnillaah, if you open your heart sincerely to that person.

So again, there is the best person and there is the right person. And I'm telling you: the right person is the best person for you and not necessarily the other way round.

If you like her, then marry her.

If you like him, just marry him.

People, unfortunately, expect to know the person fully before they get married. Believe me, even if you extend the engagement to 2 or 3 years just to get to know each other, once you get married, the level of your expectations is going to change completely.

How do you explain then those who marry after a very long drawn out relationship - probably since being high-school sweethearts, college sweethearts and so on, and then after a few months or a couple of days, they divorce? What happened to them? That doesn't mean that love is not important in marriage. Yes, it is important, but the perception we have of love is totally different and that is another subject in itself.

Here again, we should think of the right person, not necessarily the best person. The best person might not be there anyway, but the right person might be just around the corner.

The recommendation again is: if you like her, just marry her; if you go and propose and you see good qualities in her - not perfect qualities - just marry her. If you like him, just like him, then the same thing: just marry him. That doesn't mean once you see her, you propose and then you just go through with the marriage. No.

You need to have some period of engagement where you can get to know each other. Consider this period like a test lab where you go and start working with each other to see how much compromise and adjustment you're going to be making after marriage. So you expect adjustments, you expect compromises, and you get ready for them.

Another suggestion for brothers and sisters, my humble and sincere advice:

Do NOT see too many people before making a decision.

Many brothers go around and they have probably seen 10, 15 or 20 ladies and they still haven’t made a decision. Ladies receive 10, 15 proposals and they are still waiting for the best person. The more you see, the more confused you will become, believe me. This is because you’ll always go back and say: Oh my God, if this character was here, this character was there, if she was like the other person I saw and so on.

So you're going to be evaluating all of these qualities to customize your selection. Even if you put all your selections on a piece of paper; if you have seen 10 women for example, or maybe you have received 5 proposals, and you put all the proposals on a piece of paper containing all the qualities, you’re going to get even more confused when you start saying, "Oh my God, if this was here, and this was in this column and so on, that would be the best person."

Well again, that person might not be there anyway. So don’t see too many people. If you see someone that you like, go for it and Allah will put love and mercy between your hearts after you get married, insha Allah.

So for the sisters again, if someone proposes to you and you think that you like the person - not necessarily love him, meaning he's okay - use that period to get to know each other. See how much compromise you're going to be making with one another and if it works out, well and good. Otherwise, there is no obligation. Still the recommendation is do not wait too long and do not see too many people. Love is very important but we need to understand it as a practical word, not just as a lip service. It's not just sentiments and emotions; it's more than that because even those who loved each other before marriage might end up with an ugly divorce.

What's the reason? It’s because once they got married, that's when the reality of marriage hit them. Before that it was all about "I love you and you love me and we're just going to have the perfect marriage" and so on. People tend to forget but when they get married, they are hit with the reality of marriage. Never make failure an option in your relationship.

If you see this person is the right person for you, you like the person, then open your heart and make a decision and may Allah bless your marriage.womenroslovemen

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